FIVE: The Domain of the Social
Engaging the Other in the Domain of the Social
The Domain of the Social, at point Five on the Enneagram, is where we first meet the stranger, the one not from our own family, the unfamiliar. Here, we first realize that we are part of something bigger. This domain is about engaging the other. We will never reach our full potential unless we engage with others, particularly those who are not like us, yet our first reaction is to withdraw. As we move from a heart space at Four to a head space at Five, the tendency is to hang back and assess whether it is safe to move forward to meet someone new.
Personal and Impersonal Spaces
We encounter a barrier when we move from the personal or private side of the Enneagram to the impersonal or public, which involves crossing through the Void. In the domains of One through Four, we work with the personal. They are all about my reactions to the sense world (One), my need to care and be cared for (Two), creatively living the truth of my being (Three), and my personal understanding (Four).
As we come around the Enneagram, Five is the first of the public spaces. This is where we come to terms with public versus private. At Five, we need to learn to be with others. The impersonal, or communal, work that we do is further developed and embodied in the remaining spaces from Six to Eight. At Nine, we transcend the personal to union with something bigger than ourselves or our communities.
The Void
The Void is the space on the Enneagram symbol between points Four and Five, exactly opposite Nine. The passion of Nine is about not caring, nothing mattering, giving up, and this is the energy that is felt in the Void. The leap across the Void is a difficult one. It is the place where we may feel like quitting because the journey has seemed too hard. We might restart at One when we feel the impact of some new thing that we think needs to be addressed. If we do this, we can end up in an endless loop of self-regard, never bringing our work into the world.
Polarities
Some word pairs that describe the Domain of the Social are:
| Public | Private |
| Social | Anti-social |
| Friendly | Distant |
| Engaging | Withdrawing |
| With others | Alone |
| Coming together | Moving apart |
| Moving toward | Holding back |
| All of us | Me and mine |
| Generous | Count the cost |
| Objective | Subjective |
In this domain, we can think of public in the sense of “all of us” or the “common good”, from the Latin publicus, “of the people.” Private is that which is not public, one’s own, not shared, from the Latin privatus, “set apart, personal”. These two words imply quite different world views. The underlying question is, “Do we take care of one another or do I take care of myself?”
Of course, both of these things are important. The conflict comes when we choose one over the other, rather than valuing both. This choice usually derives from a distrust of the pole we have not chosen – not trusting government (the people) to provide societal benefit or not trusting the compassion of those individuals who are able to care for themselves.
Many of these word pairs are relational. Our public/private interactions are personal, as well as societal. Finding the balance between “together” and “apart” is crucial for healthy relationships with others.
Spirit of Enchantment
When the poles of public and private are held as equally important, the spirit that can arise in this domain is the Spirit of Enchantment. To be enchanted is to be spellbound. It implies an intense curiosity about and delight in the other. Enchantment is derived from enchanter (French) meaning to sing and from the Latin in + cantare, meaning upon, into + to sing. Both senses have to do with weaving magic or casting a spell, as in an incantation. This, in its most positive sense, binds two people together and happens best when there is enough togetherness (public) and enough time apart (private). It is an intricate dance of moving together, then apart, a mystical union where there are no longer two, but also not just one.
Social Rules and Protocols
Society has rules and protocols for these interactions. When we do not know someone well or in situations that do not call for displays of intimacy, we may shake hands (or at least, we used to !), which allows touching, but not too much. We reserve an embrace for someone with whom we have more of a relationship. Society depends on these protocols and so do the dignity and integrity of the individuals involved. Engagement must be by the choice of all concerned; when it is not, it becomes a boundary violation and an abuse.
Working Together
This enchantment is not only between two people. Groups who normally have very different goals, but have respect for one another, can work together and create something bigger than either side can alone. Progressives might say, “Love thy neighbour,” by which they mean, “We must share what we have for the common good.” Conservatives might say, “Count the cost,” which also says, “Let’s make sure we have enough to go around.” Together both can inform how a project or program can serve people, but also how it can be done affordably and responsibly.
Inhabitants: The Hates
When we cling to one of the polarities of the Five space, the inhabitants that show up are The Hates. When we refuse to engage with others, be it a person or a group, we begin to hate them, which is just a cover for our fear. This is the us/them division that is so prevalent in modern political discourse. We divide into bubbles or echo chambers and hate anyone who is not like us.
Dividing Ourselves from The Other
Sometimes people who are very adamant that another group is causing all sorts of harm and grief don’t even know anyone from that group, so they revert to stereotypical descriptors. This is not particular to either side of the political spectrum. People on the right accuse progressives of over-policing language and thought (political correctness) and having no clue about how people actually live. People on the left accuse conservatives of being heartless and bigoted and not thinking about anyone but themselves and their own group. When you hear people being dismissed as “deplorables” or “snowflakes”, you know that there is no true engagement and maybe no actual contact between these two social groups.
This type of division is not only political. We also divide along many other lines, such as nationality, regionality, gender, race, class, educational attainment, religion, and various sub-groups within these categories. For example, in the sphere of religion, we might divide between different religions (Christian/Muslim) or sub-groups within the same religion (Catholic/Protestant or even evangelical/mainline Protestant). If there are two people in a room, they have the choice to polarize or to engage.
Staying at the Table
We need the other, particularly the different other, to grow. When we meet, we must understand the other as complex, not as a stereotype. It is not necessary to become like others to engage them. We meet, receive, and are received. When we withdraw and listen to our own hearts, we might hear anger and sadness, joy and connection, maybe all at once. This back and forth movement, held in good faith by both parties and repeated over many times can draw us in to a new appreciation of each other.
The spiritual work at Five is to stay at the table. Even when we are most exasperated by someone, it is important to remain in the struggle, because that is where the growth is. True engagement allows for both sides to come away from the table as changed human beings.
Five is a very challenging place. At Five, we are looking for nothing less than the re-enchantment of society, where everyone can truly belong and participate. This is much larger than the compulsive desire at Five to withdraw and be left alone.
Totems
Since Five is about welcoming the stranger, hospitality is a totem of the Five space. Hospitals, hospices, and hostels also hold this idea.
Society and government are also totems of the Five space. Ideally, government promotes the common good. It cannot function without some secrecy and some openness.
Other totems include the media (no privacy; everything must be known) and science (knowledge must be shared for the benefit of all).